EMEVAS

I would be lying if I said I knew how many times I've cried today.


Because, honestly, I've lost count.

I've lost count of how many times I've prayed and got no answer. I'm beinging to wonder if God ever listens to me, because I never get answered back.


I've had it bad the past couple of days because I've been thinking again.

I promised my self last week, when I had the first thought again, that it wouldn't do me any good again. What was I hoping to do? It was never for me. It was for them.

But it isn't their fault. It's always been me.


Last week, I've broken that promise every day. Today, I even thought about doing it. Just, how I would go through the motions again. But I stopped myself, and I prayed.

It driving me crazy, waiting and waiting.


I want to tell someone, just anyone. Telling before helped, but nothing is getting done, because those closest to me still don't understand. I'm breaking again, slowly. I can't help it.

I need help and I don't know how to get it. I'm so lost. I don't know where to turn. I don't know what to do anymore. It's creeping up on me again. I'm so afraid. What if I try again? Please don't let me...please.

I need help.


But I can never let anyone know.

It might be worse than now.

God, please answer me...


-MEG