Crystal,
I just read what you left for me to read in drafts. I guess your right about the main characters of my stories. Melanie Wilkes is a name I got from GONE WITH THE WIND, but honestly, I guess she is a lot like me. I would say there's a lot in common, but it would give away spoilers in the blog.
Screw it.
One part of Melanie's past is that she is suicidal. I guess the fact that Reid doesn't know is the surprise.
I know I don't have to pent up my emotions, but I feel like I have to. At home, no one gives a crap, honestly.
Since...ya know...I guess part of me just...left. I don't know. I don't know what the turning point was but I just snap. I can't think clearly and part of me just wants to...to die. Who wants that?
I'm so much better now. I haven't thought of it in a while. You know what stops me?
You. I always think of us and how you say you would cry if I died. I think of you and our friendship and I know there's someone who cares. I know Demy cares and Christine cares and Nessa cares. Maybe others would. If they could remember my name.
I don't care about fitting in, but my family really pressures me to. I'm the product of a football player and the captain of the cheer leading team. What did you expect? I am a nerd and an outcast and frankly, they're ashamed of me. I'm not what they wanted. I guess that' what started my thoughts....
I also think if I take my life, what others? A husband's wife? A mother? What if I had kids? I would be taking their lives. And their children, and their children's children and so on and so forth. How many lives and unhappiness would that bring? The burden and pain? I could do that...no matter what's going on in my head.
I have to keep living.
I love you very much Crystal, and I would die for you. The nightmare you told me about is not unlike what haunts me at night. You are not alone. I love you and Dem-dem and ness and Christine and all of you! So much! I'm scared of not being able to help you when you need it. I really think of when you tell me things and I give you Bible verses in hopes to only give you hope. How worthless as it might seem. I wish I was God so that I could protect you, but I'm not. I wish I could help you but all I can do is stand back and watch you hurt.
And a sick part of me has to admit, I envy your life Crystal. Your gorgeous and popular and everything good that I'm not. You have a mother and father that love and are proud of you. I wish I had that.
But I have you and my life and I guess that's all I can ask for. I really love you, Crys. You are my best friend. Always.
I love my other besties as well, no one will get left out of the Girah loooooovvvvvvvvvveeeeee.
I LOVE DEMY AND NESSA AND CHRISTINE AND CRYSTAL!! YOUZ ARE MAH GIRLLLLLLSSSSSSSS!!!!
*Kisses*
-MEG
I just read what you left for me to read in drafts. I guess your right about the main characters of my stories. Melanie Wilkes is a name I got from GONE WITH THE WIND, but honestly, I guess she is a lot like me. I would say there's a lot in common, but it would give away spoilers in the blog.
Screw it.
One part of Melanie's past is that she is suicidal. I guess the fact that Reid doesn't know is the surprise.
I know I don't have to pent up my emotions, but I feel like I have to. At home, no one gives a crap, honestly.
Since...ya know...I guess part of me just...left. I don't know. I don't know what the turning point was but I just snap. I can't think clearly and part of me just wants to...to die. Who wants that?
I'm so much better now. I haven't thought of it in a while. You know what stops me?
You. I always think of us and how you say you would cry if I died. I think of you and our friendship and I know there's someone who cares. I know Demy cares and Christine cares and Nessa cares. Maybe others would. If they could remember my name.
I don't care about fitting in, but my family really pressures me to. I'm the product of a football player and the captain of the cheer leading team. What did you expect? I am a nerd and an outcast and frankly, they're ashamed of me. I'm not what they wanted. I guess that' what started my thoughts....
I also think if I take my life, what others? A husband's wife? A mother? What if I had kids? I would be taking their lives. And their children, and their children's children and so on and so forth. How many lives and unhappiness would that bring? The burden and pain? I could do that...no matter what's going on in my head.
I have to keep living.
I love you very much Crystal, and I would die for you. The nightmare you told me about is not unlike what haunts me at night. You are not alone. I love you and Dem-dem and ness and Christine and all of you! So much! I'm scared of not being able to help you when you need it. I really think of when you tell me things and I give you Bible verses in hopes to only give you hope. How worthless as it might seem. I wish I was God so that I could protect you, but I'm not. I wish I could help you but all I can do is stand back and watch you hurt.
And a sick part of me has to admit, I envy your life Crystal. Your gorgeous and popular and everything good that I'm not. You have a mother and father that love and are proud of you. I wish I had that.
But I have you and my life and I guess that's all I can ask for. I really love you, Crys. You are my best friend. Always.
I love my other besties as well, no one will get left out of the Girah loooooovvvvvvvvvveeeeee.
I LOVE DEMY AND NESSA AND CHRISTINE AND CRYSTAL!! YOUZ ARE MAH GIRLLLLLLSSSSSSSS!!!!
*Kisses*
-MEG
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