Dear Boss,
I told my mom. Everything.
My thoughts. My feelings. How much I hated myself. How I thought she hated me.
Everything but what I knew I needed to tell her.
But she asked, and I lied, and she asked again, and I lied...and then it all came out.
She asked me if I was suicidal, and I replied with I'm not anymore.
She cried. My mom never cries.
I guess I always thought it would feel almost...good...letting her see what--I thought--she did to me. But she never did anything. And I know I don't want to ever see her with that face again. I don't think my dad knows, and I know no one else does. She hasn't mentioned anything about it. I guess she knows I'm okay, or she thinks it's a dream and is suppressing it. I dunno. I guess things are normal now....
She kept looking at me funny after I told her. She wouldn't hug me. My dad yelled at me, and my mom just watched, like she thought I would snap. I dunno, guys. I guess whatever, huh?
The scary thing though. There's this woman who has been in my church since I was born. She taught me in Sunday school and baby sat me. She lives a few streets down from me. She was easily one of the sweetest women I ever met. A few years ago she got diagnosed with breast cancer. We had heard a few days ago she was doing very bad, and my mom brought up directly after I told her,"I know how much she wants to live."
She died today.
I dunno...I cried. I just...she cared about me. It's not like she thought about me a lot or like we were close, but she was one of those christian women who just cared about everyone, and was saddened when something happened to you. She was the one that cried when she heard someone had done something wrong, and smiled when some one died because she knew they weren't in pain anymore. I tried to do the same for her...but I just can't believe she's gone. Or why God would take her. She was just...so sweet. I just talked to her a few weeks ago. She scared me and gave me a hug from behind at church, saying how she thought I was my mom and how pretty I'd become and how proud she was of me. I thought it was random, but I guess she just wanted me to know, because she knew everyone needs that. I'm crying again. Great. I'm happy she's not in pain anymore. After she passed, she had her daughter post on her facebook account,"Chillin and dancin in Heaven with Jesus and Nana". I smiled. Sweet to the end. Sweet for an eternity more.
I guess I'll see her again, and I'll get to thank her. She was kinda my wake up call. I love you, Marilyn. Say hi to Jesus for me.
Keep her family in your prayers, guys. I can't image what they're going through now. I'm just so glad they have the church community to fall back on, which is better than I can say for some.
I guess enough of the heavy. Demy and I plan to write little one-shots to go along with WE WERE THE COST...And I'll post chapter nine tonight! BTW: Stuff is getting real. o_o
Always, gentlemen, your obedient servant.
-M.G.
I told my mom. Everything.
My thoughts. My feelings. How much I hated myself. How I thought she hated me.
Everything but what I knew I needed to tell her.
But she asked, and I lied, and she asked again, and I lied...and then it all came out.
She asked me if I was suicidal, and I replied with I'm not anymore.
She cried. My mom never cries.
I guess I always thought it would feel almost...good...letting her see what--I thought--she did to me. But she never did anything. And I know I don't want to ever see her with that face again. I don't think my dad knows, and I know no one else does. She hasn't mentioned anything about it. I guess she knows I'm okay, or she thinks it's a dream and is suppressing it. I dunno. I guess things are normal now....
She kept looking at me funny after I told her. She wouldn't hug me. My dad yelled at me, and my mom just watched, like she thought I would snap. I dunno, guys. I guess whatever, huh?
The scary thing though. There's this woman who has been in my church since I was born. She taught me in Sunday school and baby sat me. She lives a few streets down from me. She was easily one of the sweetest women I ever met. A few years ago she got diagnosed with breast cancer. We had heard a few days ago she was doing very bad, and my mom brought up directly after I told her,"I know how much she wants to live."
She died today.
I dunno...I cried. I just...she cared about me. It's not like she thought about me a lot or like we were close, but she was one of those christian women who just cared about everyone, and was saddened when something happened to you. She was the one that cried when she heard someone had done something wrong, and smiled when some one died because she knew they weren't in pain anymore. I tried to do the same for her...but I just can't believe she's gone. Or why God would take her. She was just...so sweet. I just talked to her a few weeks ago. She scared me and gave me a hug from behind at church, saying how she thought I was my mom and how pretty I'd become and how proud she was of me. I thought it was random, but I guess she just wanted me to know, because she knew everyone needs that. I'm crying again. Great. I'm happy she's not in pain anymore. After she passed, she had her daughter post on her facebook account,"Chillin and dancin in Heaven with Jesus and Nana". I smiled. Sweet to the end. Sweet for an eternity more.
I guess I'll see her again, and I'll get to thank her. She was kinda my wake up call. I love you, Marilyn. Say hi to Jesus for me.
Keep her family in your prayers, guys. I can't image what they're going through now. I'm just so glad they have the church community to fall back on, which is better than I can say for some.
I guess enough of the heavy. Demy and I plan to write little one-shots to go along with WE WERE THE COST...And I'll post chapter nine tonight! BTW: Stuff is getting real. o_o
Always, gentlemen, your obedient servant.
-M.G.
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