Confusion!!!

Greeters!!!!! (<--that's supposed to say 'Grrrrrrrrrr' ???) Is it bad that since this accident, I've appreciated the Tallahassee (<--tall???) ones conversations? God, we've broken up and... I just... I just don't know. Like, I almost miss him. God when Meg reads this... But, today I went to the hospital (next post explains more) and he asked me to text him after I got out of the hospital. (He seems to genuinely care about my dad.) I normally would have said no, but... I wanted to afterwards. It could be because in on my period and I'm emotional, or because of the accident I'm emotional. I don't know. But, ive noticed that I'm missing my other ex... I shall call him the Teddy bear! (he's kinda fluffy and its like hugging a Teddy bear) like, he exited me the other day and I wanted to keep texting him, but I thought it would lead him on or something. It's probably just my hormones acting up... I- I accidentally let the tall ones friend know that I- that I- God Meg's gonna kill me- that I still love him. I'm not lying about it, but his friend asked if I even loved him before. I got really upset that he asked it like that. Obviously I loved him! Girls, like me, don't just hand out I love yous you just anyone! I got really upset and said, "Did... I still do. But it would be a mistake." then I went and did something else stupid, "I won't get back together with him because a third break up might ACTUALLY kill me! I won't be able to cooperate with a third time! The first time ripped my heart out of my chest. The second time pissed me off. A third time might ACTUALLY kill me!" God I sounded desperate or something. I no longer have any guard up to protect myself. I've practically opened myself back up to him! But I'll let you know, I don't care anymore. I want to take him back so bad, but it's forbidden now. What is wrong with me?! It's like 'No matter what you do, no matter how much you hurt me, I'll still be there for you.' that's just about any boy! The ginger, the teddy bear, the tall one, and most of all, the tromboner. *sigh* you got any help for me, leave it in the comments below. Thanks

Crystal Poppin