Monday, January 28, 2013

That feeling where you want to stab pretty much everything

My mom is driving me insane. She took my phone because of my grades, but she seemed to be having a good time taking some personal jabs at me. Im fed up with how she treats me. I mean, i know i have a pretty good life and that im just spoiled, but i could be worse. I dont think she knows how lucky she is that i dont drink or smoke pot or that im a virgin. She seriously needs to understand that im not the worst child ever.
But she thinks im smart. I know im moderately smart, but she expects way too much of me. She doesnt put this pressure on my brother and sister. They get to do whatever they freaking want! My sister is the oldest, so she obviously is the most spoiled one who gets what she wants when she wants. My brother is the youngest, so he gets coddled and told 'good job' all the time. Im just the weird one. The embarrassment. The ignored one. I just dont belong anywhere in their perfect family. But i have to wonder if im the insane one, or they are.
I try not to bother my parents too much. I try not to ask for stuff. I try to stay out of their way if they dont want me there. I know i could help out a bit more, but honestly... Im not sure what i can do to get everyone to stop totally hating me.
Ive had to deal with my brother and sister making fun of me my whole life, and my parents doing nothing about it until i get so fed up with it that i have to retaliate. Then i get in trouble because everything is always my fault. Then i get made fun of more. So ive learned to keep to myself, and keep away from, my family. They ask why i dont come out of my room often. Well, i think its quite obvious.
Other than ignoring or yelling at me, my parents expect me to be perfect. I have to work hard at useless things, and juggle as many things as i can at once. I have to be everyone's idea of perfect. Why do you think i just gave up and became who i am now? Its easier to please no one than everyone.

Well, Mom. Two kids out of three isnt bad right? I mean even if this one isnt perfect enough, you still have two kids who are just absolutely freaking PERFECT!

Guys... Meg, Crys, Nessa, Christine... If it werent for you guys, id have lost it a long time ago... I mean LOST it. You guys are whats keeping my sanity, and the only stable thing in my life. I love you guys so much and i know im a terrible friend and i really just want to be a better person... Im sorry that i treat you guys bad sometimes and annoy you all the time, but i'll try to change and be as awesome as you. You are all just the best friends ever and i just want you to know that i love you guys so much.

-Demy

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